Riding in a car with your friends
makemistakeslivelifenoregrets: Riding in a car with your parents:
Yummy Tree house ;]
: When will I see you again? You left with no... →
emmaisapie: When will I see you again? You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, No final kiss to seal any seams, I had no idea of the state we were in, I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness, And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head, But don’t you remember? Don’t…
I'm going to eviscerate you and use your...
thatdudewiththeface: I’M GONNA SKULL FUCK YOU! oh, jeez
Mario Gets Pulled Over
Mario: Is there a problem, officer?
Cop: Quite a few, actually. First off, you’re speeding.
Mario: I’m trying to win a race.
Cop: Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?
Mario: Well when you put it like that…
Cop: And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.
Mario: Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.
Cop: I’ll also have to write you up for endangering a child.
Mario: Oh, because I’ve got Baby Luigi with me? He’s fine. Not a bad racer himself.
Cop: You…you let the baby drive for you?
Mario: It’s not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.
Cop: …Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?
Mario: No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.
Cop: Sir, step out of the car.
Mario: Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?
Cop: I’m not taking bribes! And where the hell did you get so much gold!?
Mario: I punched a bunch of bricks.
Cop: Step. Out. Of. The. Car.
Mario: Fine. But not finishing this race is going to kill my chances at the Star Cup. You’re practically handing it to Donkey Kong.
Cop: …Donkey Kong?
Mario: He’s a gorilla.
Cop: You were racing a gorilla?
Mario: And various dinosaur mutants. Also, more babies.
google's speaker search interpreted my 'hello' as...
whenever my parents cook
whenever my parents cook, I’m basically stuck with this expression until we eat:
How to win at hurtles forever